Are there any Jane Austen fans out there? If so, can you imagine Sense and Sensibility as erotica? What if the two Dashwood sisters were American and lived in modern-day Southern California? If you're still interested, here's an excerpt from my erotic romantic comedy, “Sense and Sexuality: An Erotic Austen Variation”. In the following scene, the two teenage sisters go to a masquerade party in the Hollywood Hills. Elinor, usually prim and proper, is dressed as Cat Woman and her sensual younger sister, as Scarlett O'Hara. It gives both girls an opportunity to do some role playing and step out of character. When they arrive at the party, they walk up the stone steps and knock on the door. A woman who is completely naked except for five-inch stiletto heels, an owl mask, and a dog collar around her neck answers. She is dragging a leash, like a dog who’s run away from its master. She sees how Elinor is dressed and says, “Oh, Cat Woman. You look positively yummy. You may hold my leash.” Elinor looks at her sister hoping for encouragement, but Marianne shrugs her shoulders as if to says, “The ball’s in your court, sister.” Elinor takes the leash and leads owl lady inside. They wander out to the pool where a band is playing songs from the 80s. Some people have shed their masks and clothes and are skinny-dipping. In the hot tub, a naked woman sits on top of a man with her boobs in his face while he plays with them. Both girls are shocked by all the nudity; yet they can’t look away. They’re glad when the band takes a break and they can talk to each other. Marianne says, “This party is really wild. Mamma would be so mad at us for coming here.” Both are relieved when they see the actor who played Mr. Darcy approach. He recognizes Marianne and wants to ask her where her sister is. “Marianne,” he says. “Lovely to see you.” He kisses both cheeks. “Likewise,” she tells him. “I like your wet ruffled shirt. Were you swimming with your shirt on?” “Johnny Depp threw me into the pool and my shirt hasn’t dried yet. Where's your sister?” “You’re standing right next to her,” Marianne proclaims and gestures over to her sister. He looks at the owl lady and dismisses her; then looks intently at Cat Woman. “Elinor, can it really be you?” Fully in character, she answers, “Yes! You're catnip to a girl like me. Handsome and to die for.” He laughs and claps his hands together. “I love it! You look amazing.” She answers, “I love your hair all wet and sexy-wild like that,” and strokes his hair with her long Cat Woman claws. Marianne can no longer keep quiet and says, “Great balls of fire. I’m going to go look for some food and leave you two love birds alone.” “Love birds?” Cat Woman asks. “He’s attractive, but not that attractive.” Darcy laughs and says to Cat Woman, “I get the feeling you’re mad at me about something.” Elinor loves “Pride and Prejudice” and has a bone to pick with Darcy about the way he treated her heroine, Elizabeth Bennet. She tells him, “I didn’t appreciate the way you treated poor Elizabeth.” “Oh, Cat Woman. Come on. You must know how ardently I admired and loved her.” “You sure didn’t act like it. I’ve never seen such a stuffed shirt. You wouldn’t even dance with her when you first met. You said, ‘She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me’.” “I admit: I didn’t have a good first impression of her.” “Liar,” she hisses. “It wasn’t just a first impression. You had your nose up in their air throughout the whole book. You didn’t think her family was good enough for you and your wimpy friend Bingley.” “I was bad. I admit it. I think you might have to punish me.” She wraps her whip around his neck and says, “Meow! Now you’re talking.” ******* Would you like to read what happens next? It’s available for $1.99 at the following retailers:
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