Can you imagine an erotic retelling of Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility? If so, conjure up the idea of sensual Marianne and her older sister Elinor attending a masquerade party at Colin Firth's Hollywood home. With Marianne dressed as Scarlett O'Hara and Elinor as Cat Woman, what will happen when the two teenagers lose their inhibitions? All characters are 18 years and older.
Here's an excerpt:
At last, Marianne came out of her bedroom. She was dressed like Scarlett O’Hara—hoop skirt and all. She waved her fan and said, “Fiddle-dee-dee. It’s so hot in here, I’m positively wilting. Where ever is that sister of mine?”
Margaret let out a gleeful scream and said, “Oh, Marianne. That’s such a perfect costume for you. You’re just like Scarlett.”
“Am I?” she asked.
She was answered by the crack of a whip. The three of them looked at each other in confusion and fear. Margaret saw Elinor and said, “Oh My God! Elinor is dressed like Cat Woman!”
Elinor told them, “Cat Woman, Halle-Berry-style.” She strutted into the room clothed in low-hung black leather pants connected to a bikini top that crisscrosses across her stomach and back. She also sported black leather boots and gloves that had claws on the finger tips. A black mask with cat ears completed her ensemble. She proclaimed, “I am Cat Woman. Hear me roar.”
Marianne and Margaret gushed over her outfit, but Mrs. Dashwood had reservations. She told Elinor, “I’ve seen people really lose their inhibitions when they go to costume parties. I was at one where a woman dressed as a pregnant girl scout spent the night sitting on the laps of practically every man in the room.”
Margaret said, “Oh, a pregnant Girl Scout? That’s a good one!”
Her mother interrupted and told Elinor, “Seriously, I hope you don’t do that tonight.”
Marianne couldn’t stop laughing. Once she caught her breath, she told her sister, “I never knew you had a dark side, Elinor.”
She answered, “Who knows what surprises tonight will hold.”
Margaret told her, “You really do look hot, Elinor. You should wear leather more often.”
Everyone laughed but their mother. “Elinor, you’d better behave yourself tonight and you need to keep an eye on your little sister.”
“I promise, Mamma,” Elinor said and put her arm around Marianne. “Come on, Miss Scarlett. Let’s go party.”
Their mother shouted, “Elinor! You’d better take a sweater. You’re going to freeze in that outfit!”
She looked back at her mother and hissed.
“Elinor!” Marianne cried. “I can’t believe you just did that,” and they both laughed as they make their way to the garage.
Once in the car, Marianne told her sister, “This really is a whole other side of you. You’re usually so prissy and judgmental.”
“Am I? Is that how you see me?”
“
Yes. Some of the times.”
“Well then, I promise I’ll work on that,” she reassured her and patted her knee.
Once in the car, she put in a cd by Heart and turned the volume up loud when their song Barracuda came on. Both sisters knew this song well and they gleefully sang along with the chorus.
*******
When they arrived at their destination, Marianne joked with her sister. “So, Elinor. Will you be using your whip tonight?”
“Maybe,” Elinor answered.
“Oh, boy. This is going to be fun!!”
“Are you ready to go inside?”
“Yes. Let’s go see your Mr. Darcy.”
“Sounds like a good idea to me,” Elinor answered, and they got out of the car. As they approached the front door, they heard laughter and loud music. Elinor took a deep breath and knocked on the door.
A woman who was completely naked except for an owl mask and a dog collar around her neck answered. She was dragging a leash, like a dog who had run away from its master.
She saw how Elinor was dressed and said, “Oh, Cat Woman. You look positively yummy. You may hold my leash.”
Elinor looked at her sister hoping for encouragement, but Marianne shrugged her shoulders as if to say, “The ball’s in your court, Sister.”
Playing along, Elinor took the leash and followed the owl lady inside. They wandered out to the pool where a band was playing songs from the 80s. Some people had shed their masks and clothes and were skinny-dipping in the pool. In the hot tub, a naked woman sat on top of a man with her breasts in his face while he played with them.
Both girls were shocked by all the nudity, yet they couldn’t look away. They were glad when the band took a break so that they could talk to each other.
Marianne said, “This party is really wild. Mamma would be so mad at us for coming here.”
The naked owl lady seemed bored and told them, “Have fun, Kittens,” and walked away.
“Bye,” Elinor said and looked around hoping to see Colin Firth.
Marianne saw him first. He was dressed in the clothing he wore for the miniseries of Pride and Prejudice and came over to them.
“Hi, Marianne. Lovely to see you.” He kissed both her cheeks.
“Hi, Mr. Darcy,” she shyly answered. She was not used to older guys kissing her cheeks; but tried to get into the spirit of the masquerade party. She told him, “I like your wet ruffled shirt. Were you swimming with your shirt on?”
“Johnny Depp threw me into the pool and my shirt hasn’t dried yet. Where’s your sister?”
“You’re standing right next to her,” Marianne told him and pointed to Elinor.
“Elinor!! Can it really be you?”
She sized him up and liked how he was dressed.
Fully in Cat Woman character, she answered, “Yes! You’re catnip to a girl like me. Handsome and to die for.”
He laughed and clapped his hands together. “I love it! You look amazing; by the way.”
She moved closer to him and answered, “I love your hair all wet and sexy-wild like that,” and stroked his hair with her long Cat Woman claws.
Marianne sensed that they wanted to be alone together and said, “I’m going to go look for some food and leave you two lovebirds alone.”
“Lovebirds?” Elinor asked. “He’s attractive, but not that attractive.”
Colin was flabbergasted and then laughed; almost spitting out the champagne he was sipping.
Letting out a deep breath and resuming her Scarlet O’Hara persona, Marianne said, “Hell’s bells, Elinor. I can’t believe how different you’re acting. I’ll see you later.”
Once she’s gone, “Mr. Darcy” laughed and looked back at Elinor. “Why do I get the feeling that you are angry at me for some reason?”
She quietly collected her thoughts and tried to put her feelings for him into words he would understand. She loved Pride and Prejudice and had a bone to pick with “Mr. Darcy” about the way he treated her heroine, Elizabeth Bennet.
She blurted out, “I didn’t appreciate the way you treated poor Elizabeth in Pride and Prejudice.”
He answered, “I’m not Mr. Darcy. He’s a fictional character. I’m a real person, you know.”
“I know,” she answered and looked down.
He lifted up her chin and looked into her eyes. Trying to cheer her up, he told her, “Oh, Cat Woman. Come on. You must know how ardently I admired and loved her.”
She smiled, recognizing the lines from Jane Austen’s book. She told him, “In Pride and Prejudice, Mr. Darcy sure didn’t act like it. I’ve never seen such a stuffed shirt. He wouldn’t even dance with her when they first met. He said…and I quote…she is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me.”
“Back to Mr. Darcy, I see.”
He took a deep breath and played along. “Yes. I admit it: I didn’t have a good first impression of her.”
“It wasn’t just a first impression. You had your nose up in their air throughout the whole book. You didn’t think her family was good enough for you and your wimpy friend Bingley.”
He laughed and answered, “I was bad. I admit it. I think you might have to punish me.”
Elinor cheered up and slowly wrapped her whip around his neck. “Meow! Now you’re talking.”
They kissed each other while Marianne wandered back into the house and found some champagne and canapés in the living room. As she took a sip of champagne, a man wearing a mask and dressed like a policeman approached her and said, “Young lady. You’re not old enough to drink. Put down that champagne right now or I might have to arrest you!”
He startled her, and she spit out the champagne in a most unladylike fashion.
He told her, “Wait here, sweetheart, while I get you a napkin,” and went over to a serving table.
As he walked away, she noticed how well-built he was and sized him up from head to toe. She thought I wonder what he looks like without any clothes on? The room felt warmer and she fanned herself.
He came back with a napkin and applied it daintily to her lips, saying, “You’re very pretty, Miss Scarlett. Your pouty lips are so sexy. Do you have many suitors?”
“Yes. I am in love.”
“Who’s the lucky guy?”
“His name is John. John Willoughby.”
“Never heard of him,” the policeman answered. “Why isn’t he here with you?”
“Oh, I haven’t seen him in ever such a long time,” she cried, sounding wounded.
“What? How could he treat you so badly? The scoundrel. I know what you need.”
“Oh, do tell?” she answered coyly, waving her fan.
He was very attracted to her and answered, “You need kissing badly. That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed and often. And by someone who knows how.”
Upon hearing these Rhett Butler lines, she started laughing at him. “I saw Gone with the Wind four times. You’re good. Really good. Are you an actor?”
“No. I’m a real policeman. I live down the street.”
“Really,” she answered. Sizing him up, she said, “So, you didn’t have to spend money on your costume. Except for your mask, that is.”
“Yep. That’s right. And what do you do for a living, little lady?”
“I don’t work yet. I’m still in high school.”
“Really?! You look much older. You’re way too underage to be drinking, you know.”
“Fiddle-dee-dee! Are you going to keep lecturing me about it all night?”
Defensively, he held out the palms of his hands and told her, “Okay. I surrender, Miss Scarlett. But you’d better behave yourself tonight. You shouldn’t be here. I think I should escort you home.”
“In your police car?”
“No, sugar. My police car is back at the station.”
“I’ve always admired a man in uniform,” she answered.
He smiled and asked her, “Would you like to ride in a police car someday?”
“Sure. Why not? You could turn on the siren and drive really fast.”
He laughed. “You like pushing the envelope, don’t you, little lady?
”
“Why sir? Whatever do you mean?” she asked, batting her eyelashes at him.
“Who did you come here with?”
“My sister.”
“Your older sister, I hope?”
“Yes. She’s 19.”
He took her champagne flute away from her and said, “I think I’d better return you to her. There are things happening here that you shouldn’t see.”
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